Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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