Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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