I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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