Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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