And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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