you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
