Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
