Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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