In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
