the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
