Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i out mim tonsoeep
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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