i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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