wat bout pragnant strippers??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
