maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
