were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
