i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
