he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Success! We fucked roommates!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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