he thought i was a dude.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
