tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
