saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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