my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
