Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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