It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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