My nipple is on Facebook.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
