I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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