Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
