in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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