fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
