I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
