He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
