hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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