I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
