I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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