So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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