I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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