A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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