whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
