O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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