I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
