If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
