in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
