Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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