after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
