This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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