my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
