Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
