used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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