I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
