I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
