did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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