On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize