So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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