just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
