I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
