Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize