woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
