I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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