Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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