I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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