It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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