so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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