your parents love me but you hate me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
