Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
