Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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