i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
