I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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