I showed him my bush... on skype.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
