Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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