I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
