my sisters under your porch take her home
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
