after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
