i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
