FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
