we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
