At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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