i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
