Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
