call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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