Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
